Parenting can be a challenge at the best of times, but when you add in the double standards that society seems to love to impose on moms, it can feel downright impossible. It seems like everywhere you turn, someone is telling you what you should and shouldn’t be doing as a parent. And if you don’t toe the line exactly according to their rules, then you are automatically labelled as a “bad mom.”
How does double standard parenting exist in the first place?
It’s hard to say for sure, but part of it may be due to the fact that the mother is still seen as the primary caregiver, even though that is slowly starting to change. In other words, because moms are still doing the majority of the work when it comes to raising kids, they are also the ones who are held to higher standards.
Parenting double standards that moms have to deal
Diaper Duty
– Let’s face it, when it comes to diaper duty, dads usually get a free pass. It’s always the mom who is expected to change the diapers, no matter how many times she’s asked for help.
– Even when both parents are home and available to do diaper duty, it’s still typically the mom who is expected to take care of it. Public bathrooms only have a changing table in the women’s. Fathers need to be able to change their kids too. Women’s public restrooms only have a changing table. Fathers must be able to change their children as well.
Buying fast food
– It’s pretty much assumed that moms who feed their kids fast food are lazy and don’t care about their children’s health. But when dads do it, they’re just being “realistic” and “taking the easy way out.”
– The fact is, sometimes both parents are busy and need to grab a quick meal on the go. And that’s okay. All parents should be able to make that choice without being judged.
School Contact
– Moms are always the ones who are expected to be available for school activities, even if they work full time.
Not My Third Child
– Stop being a one-parent family cliché and say that husbands are, in fact, another child.
Dad bod vs Mom bod
– Society seems to think that it’s perfectly acceptable for dads to have a “dad bod.” But if a mom dares to let her body go even a little bit, she’s immediately labelled as “lazy mom” and “unattractive.”
– Heaven forbid a mom should have any cellulite, stretch marks, or loose skin. She must be perfect at all times, even though no one expects the same of fathers.
Mother-in-Law Praise
– It’s not uncommon for a mother-in-law to heap praise on her son’s wife, while at the same time criticising everything that she does.
– No matter how hard a mom tries, she can never seem to please her mother-in-law. And even if she does manage to please her, it’s never good enough.
– The mother-in-law always knows better, even though she’s not the one actually doing the parenting.
Doing It All
– Society expects moms to be able to do it all, even though it’s impossible.
– Moms are expected to be perfect wives, perfect mothers, and perfect employees. They’re also supposed to keep a clean house, cook all the meals, and always look put together.
Time for self-care
– Moms are expected to put their families first at all times, even if it means sacrificing their own needs.
– They’re not allowed to take any time for themselves, even though self-care is essential for both their physical and mental health.
Moms do all the work
– Moms are expected to do all the work, both at home and at work.
– They’re not given any credit for their accomplishments, and are always expected to do more.
Daddy privilege
This is real, and it’s something that needs to be talked about. Moms are expected to do everything, while dads often get a free pass. It’s time for society to stop putting so much pressure on moms and start holding dads accountable too.
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The consequences of the parenting double standards
The consequences of the double standards of parenting can be extremely damaging for both moms and children. For moms, it can lead to a constant sense of guilt and self-doubt. You never feel like you’re doing enough, and you constantly worry about whether you are harming your child by not following the “rules” perfectly. The stress of trying to live up to these impossible standards can also lead to anxiety and depression.
And for children, the consequences can be just as severe. If children always see their mom struggling and feeling like a failure, it can give them a very negative view of parenting. They may start to believe that moms are weak and incompetent and that it’s not worth becoming a parent because it’s just too hard.
How to deal with the parenting double standards
The best way to deal with the parenting double standards is to simply ignore them. Don’t let yourself be controlled by what other people think you should or shouldn’t be doing. Instead, focus on what works for you and your family. Every family is different, and what works for one may not work for another.
The societal expectations of parenting are constantly changing, so it’s impossible to keep up with all the latest “rules.” And even if you could, it’s not worth the stress and anxiety that comes with trying to live up to someone else’s standards.
The importance of accepting yourself as a mother
One of the most important things you can do for yourself as a mother is to accept yourself. Accept that you are not perfect and that you will make mistakes. But also accept that you are doing your best, and that is good enough. Your children need you to be happy and healthy, so don’t let the double standards of parenting get you down. Instead, focus on what works for you and your family, and let go of the rest.
How can we work to create a more level playing field for both parents?
One way we can work to create a more level playing field for both parents is by changing the way we talk about parenting. Instead of talking about mothers as if they are the only ones who parent, we need to start including fathers in the conversation. Fathers also play an important role in their children’s lives, and they should be given the same level of respect and support.
We need to start normalizing the idea of mothers taking breaks. Mothers should not feel guilty for wanting to take a break from their kids, and they should not have to justify it to anyone. The husband should be just as involved in child-rearing as the wife, and he should be able to take over when she needs a break.
By changing the way we talk about parenting, we can start to change the double standards that exist. We can create a more level playing field for both parents, and we can help mothers feel more supported and respected. The fair share of the husband in housework and childcare should not be a topic of discussion, but an accepted fact.
So let’s start normalizing the idea of equal parenting. Let’s start talking about mothers and fathers as equal partners. The parenting duties should be divided equally among both parents. It’s not just the mother’s job to do everything related to the child. The father should also be involved in every aspect of their life.
For single parents
If you’re a single mom or single dad, you might feel like you have to do everything on your own. But it’s important to remember that you’re not alone. There are other single parents out there who are dealing with the same challenges as you. So don’t be afraid to reach out for help when you need it. There are plenty of support groups and resources available to single parents.
There are also plenty of resources available to help you. From your mother, mother-in-law, friends, and government assistance programs to community groups, there are people and organizations out there who want to help you succeed as a single parent. So don’t be afraid to reach out for help when you need it.
Final thoughts
If you are a mother who feels like you are always falling short, then know that you are not alone. Don’t get frustrated with yourself, and don’t try to compare yourself to other mothers. Taking care of your own children is a full-time job, and you are doing an amazing job. You are also setting a good example for your children by showing them that it’s okay to be imperfect. So accept yourself, and focus on what works for you and your family.
The double standards that society imposes on mothers are unrealistic and unfair. So don’t beat yourself up if you can’t meet them. Just do the best you can and know that you are doing an amazing job. Parenting is hard enough without having to worry about meeting someone else’s standards. So just relax, breathe, and be yourself. You’re doing a great job!